Dude, I can totally see your wiener.

As the press sits around marveling at Obama's fantastic new suit of clothes, the rest of us are left gaping at the spectacle of our naked emperor, fooling no one but himself. So I thought I'd do the gent a favor and point him out a few things — speak truth to power, as they say:

1. We know you picked Hillary for Secretary of State just to get her out of your way, but she's really bad at her job. Bring it up at her next performance review.
2. Your wife has horrible fashion sense. I'm just saying.
3. When you start a sentence "Let me be clear," we know you're about to lie. It's like a poker tell.
4. Without your tele-prompter, you're starting to sound erratic and gaff-prone, but...
5. ...good news, not as erratic and gaffe-prone as Joe Biden. Bring him around more.
6. It's possible that Robert Gibbs may be functionally illiterate — probably had someone else fill out the job application for him. You might look into that.
7. If your lefty base finds out Rahm Emanuel is Jewish, they're going to be really pissed.
8. The Supreme Court is not a Gap ad. You don't have to get one of each ethnicity in the photo.
9. Every time you point the finger at Bush, there are three more pointing back at you. They represent the deficit you tripled.
10. Afghanistan's a mess. You may have to soldier-up over there. Don't tell Code Pink.
11. You know that neighbor who's always giving you their unwanted cold remedies? You're kind of like that old lady. Keep your healthcare ideas to yourself.